A Relatively Un-Super Tuesday

It's beyond me who's reading this these days. I knew of about 3 people...my friends...who did, as most of the writing was just my own daily therapy; but somehow I drop in to write and no fewer than 5 people have been here. That looks like a pitiful number, but seeing as I took a 2-month hiatus, I'm curious. Whomever you are, drop me a comment, say hello.

I dragged myself to work, late as usual, and could barely hear. My entire head is one big container for whatever fluid has decided to take up residence. It's 9:30 and I just finished my report card comments for the evening. It's been a long day, and I'm just glad I'm over the residual anger that came over me last night. I had a temporary lapse and felt SUCH anger for the past, but as soon as Attila told me "Hey, don't even think about it! Think about you and me...there's nothing left to be angry over, and you can focus on what makes you happy." Usually that'd be too reductive for me, but it's absolutely true. I think the struggle was that while I don't long for ANY of that past life, I get angry over past behaviors and general treatment. My feelings aren't about desire or longing, love or ANYTHING positive...I have some occasional anger and I just loathe the whole experience.

Attila I love. My moon my man. What I would have done without his friendship...and his ever-evolving adoration and dedication, his honesty, forthrightness, and absolute presence in every way EVERY SINGLE DAY since we met...I don't want to imagine. I am healthier than ever, and I guess anger is a normal emotion. Just because I don't usually feel any doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

♥e