Trying

I forced myself to make plans for today. I chose the brunch party and jewelry shopping, hoping to distract myself and hide from my own sadness. I drove with half my mind on the radio, the constant scan to find a tolerable song, so that as I drove up the long drive and parked; I thought I had prepared myself well enough for the faces and questions of my unknowing friends. As I backed into the shady spot, I saw a car pull in next to me -- a friend I didn't expect to see. It was the one I had not seen in two weeks, the one who had become engaged in the interim.

How does one with a newly broken heart face one in the throes of love's abundance?

She recoils, curling herself into a tight ball around her soul, and faces her friend, pretending. I congratulated her and was grateful that she changed the subject.

It was fine; I was laughing and eating for the first time in days when the wedding came up in conversation. The muscles on the sides of my neck pulled hard from my collarbone and face. I felt the heat rise into my chest, and my eyes dropped to my plate. I was rude, I know, but it was either turn to another friend and begin a new subject, or begin to cry right there at the table.

I am always offering congratulations to a friend when I am in the midst of heartbreak. I would give everything I have to change this moment in time; to dance out the door in airy steps, looking back on the sadness of my life with a bright smile for the departure, blonde hair flying, arms floating windward to embrace love's joy.

"Follow your Bliss" by Irene Suchocki available at http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=6365982