you give me lo-o-o-o-ove and affection now...

I walked into my house tonight and not only was it perfectly chilled from wide-open windows, but it held the scent of cedar with a shade of male cologne...so much so that I looked around wondering if one had been here unbeknownst to me. I am so tired, yawning until my eyes tear, but I am so happy about being able to sleep in that it keeps me awake and happy.

I made the mistake of scouting out some things online and considered and reconsidered some men with whom I shared critical aspects of my life in the recent past. I peered into their present and started to smirk at the realization that my life has become so distant from theirs in so short a period of time, but then I remembered where I was and why they were critical at the time. I am better for the experience, even though the taste of it has soured slightly.

Screw it. I did what I needed to do and have no regrets. It's just amazing how life can change so quickly, sometimes imperceptibly but other times so radically that you almost don't recognize yourself from one month to the next. I recognize myself quite well these days. I remember emerging from the shell, and owe something quite large to those who held the egg that I was while I curiously tapped it from within. Though you are gone for now, I smile to think of you and that time... the two of you rescued me.

~*

I spent the afternoon and evening, deep into the night, at the most wonderful birthday party I can remember. I have a kindred heart-- a wonderful soulmate, an incarnation of the most loving, beautiful spirit, and she fits me joyfully. We curl up together like mother and daughter but she walks this world in her seven year old feet acting, talking, gesticulating, thinking, feeling, LOVING like I do. Tonight her mother said "I produced a mini you. She worships the goddess." We get each other, and I am SO grateful to have her in my life. I ♥ you, Bex.

~*

I need a vacation. Someone offer me one.

♥e